Each one of us has a story behind how Christ entered our lives or how God has touched us. Each one fascinating and unique. I pray that you will use this section of the website to share your experiences with others. I guess I better start things off...Father, please grant me the ability to put my thoughts into words and to leave my insecurities behind as I try to write this.
A little background info so you can see where I was a few years ago when Christ entered my life. I was raised a Methodist and attended (not of my free will) church every Sunday until I finally rebelled one Sunday morning and refused to get out of bed. If my parents didn’t attend, why should I have to go! Heck, I was about 10 and the only thing this so called God person did for me was make me get up early on Sunday mornings. It took another 29 years, the threat of losing my wife and my father-law’s death to bring me around. Sometime in Junior High School, a girl sitting in front of me turned around and asked if I believed in God. Nope!
I was now officially a self proclaimed Atheist. Ready to argue against the slightest possibility of there being a God or Jesus. The Holy Ghost? Oh yeah, Casper’s second cousin. Believe me...if that ever came up, I probably would have found a twisted way to argue that that was true.
My wife and I would get into these religious discussions every now and then. Let’s see, come back in 1,000 years and your God will have gone by the wayside just like Zeus and the rest of the Gods in Greek and Roman mythology. He’s just a way for people to explain the unexplainable. Why do people need to know how this universe started or where or how or when the first being or animal or plant sprouted up? He’s a crutch for the insecure. I can’t do that without God’s help. Well shoot, grow a backbone and stand on your own two feet. I don’t need a God to get me through the day...I can manage on my own, thank you!! Pain, suffering, war, etc...yep, there’s a God alright...must be a mean cranky son of a .... That’s just a few of the "rational" arguments I had against there being a God. There’s plenty more that I’m sure my wife will remember.
Funny thing though...looking back...I did a 180 (from how I was raised) and blasted pretty much anything to do with religion, but God never let go of me. I’ll explain later...
It took a lot of patience on God’s part and like I said, the thought of losing my wife to cancer and my father-in-law’s death for me to wake up and smell the coffee. My rebirth began (it wasn’t an overnight thing here) one night sitting at this desk and bawling like a baby for hours.
Honey, I know this is personal...please understand why I have to write it. My wife found out that she had an ovarian cyst. All that I heard when she told me was that it was ‘x’ number of centimeters large and may be cancerous....wouldn’t know 100% until the ovary was removed. I was on the internet trying to find out all that I could about this subject. If the cyst is this large and in this stage then...cool...looks good. Oh wait, hers doesn’t fit that description. Ok, next one...90% survival rate. Uhhh, let’s see what the next one is...well that isn’t it either. Nope, doesn’t fit that category either...or that one.
20% survival rate! I’m gonna lose my wife...panic time!! We had "grown" apart, thanks to me focusing on other things. Some of which I thought were important (until that moment) and other things that I enjoyed doing (drag racing and playing with my cars), that she had no interest in. Until that moment, it never crossed my mind just how much I had neglected the person that I loved the most in this world. I took my life with her for granted. I never thought about Ellen not being by my side. We had grown pretty far apart, but still...she would always be there, right? Maybe not.....
One night about midnight I got out of bed, sat down at this desk and just plain ole broke down. I couldn’t stop the tears if I had to. I put my hands together and said "Lord, I hope you listen to atheists". "I don’t believe, but Ellen does. If she is right and you are listening to this, please please please take care of her. Make her well again so she can go on doing your work that she so much enjoys. There’s nothing I can do to fix this. I can’t pull out my toolbox and make her well again. It’s out of my hands. I’ve never felt this helpless and desperate. I’ve always had the ability to do whatever I put my mind to, but this is in your hands God. I’m not going to promise to go to church every Sunday or that I’ll become a better person if you make her well. I would gladly give my life for hers. Please bless the doctors with whatever they need to remove this growth 100%. I’ve never begged for anything in my life. Jesus, I beg of you to please heal my baby. I need her, the kids need her...I can’t go on without her. Please God...in Jesus name I pray."
I then recited the Lord’s Prayer. Something I hadn’t even thought about in 30 years. The words came out with ease though.
The day of the surgery came. I walked to the waiting room as they wheeled my wife to the operating room. She was the last to be operated on that day. Just me and another couple there waiting. About a half an hour into the surgery, it hits me...man, for being an atheist, you sure are doing a lot of talking to the man upstairs. I don’t remember what all I was saying that day, but I remember thinking to myself "you’re going to give him a headache if you keep jabbering on. Some atheist you are...no atheists in a foxhole. How many times have you laughed at that adage?"
Then the surgeon came out and showed me a picture of the removed ovary and that he didn’t feel the cyst was cancerous. She should be 100% ok!! Thank You Lord!!!!
So, do you think I became a Christian then? Nope, I was too dense to see the truth. Instead, I went searching for the answer to what happens to us after death. My wife helped me with my search. Knowing all along what I would eventually figure it out. I knew it too...just wouldn’t admit it yet.
This search intensified after my father in-law suddenly passed away a few months later. I remember standing at his bedside in the hospital, he took a deep gasping breath and I knew at that moment the Spirit had left. He kept breathing, but I knew his soul had gone home.
When we arrived home, my wife said "You saw something in that room tonight didn't you?"
"Nope, didn't see a thing."
A Christian now? No...still not ready to admit that I believed!
It took a letter to God, while sitting at work one evening. We were looking into buying a car, so I sat down to do some figuring. Instead, a two page letter to God asking why I wasn’t willing to admit that I believed in Him and that he sent His only son to die on the cross to forgive our sins.
Christian? YES, I believe!! I was wrong for all of those years. I will never forget that feeling of peace. Being freed. The proverbial weight being lifted.......One thing that I realized a few weeks later was this: All of those years of proclaiming to be an atheist...I had to tell myself that each day. I don’t remember a day going by where I didn’t tell myself there was no God and that I was an Atheist. Now, I don’t have to reassure myself that there IS a God and that I am a Christian. I KNOW IT!!
I also realized that God had been with me all along. All of those years. Waiting, patiently for me. I left The Church, but He never left me shut the door behind me. I was surrounded by believers. I helped with church dinners, bazaars and fell in love with my wife going to youth group with my best friend because it was better than going home. Not that home was a bad place, just didn’t see eye to eye with my mom....still don’t. I should have died three times before I was 18 years old. Twice in a car and once doing drugs. There is no logical reason other than God was there taking care of his lost lamb.
Whenever I found myself in a jam or trying to do a task that I had no idea how to accomplish...I would talk to someone and I could do what was needed. Who was I talking to? Who would I ask "give me the strength or the know-how to do this" or "now what do I do?" It surely wasn’t myself and didn’t believe in imaginary friends. When I was old enough to drive and had to repair my car...I had a feeling my grandfather (he died when I was 5) was there helping me when I was by myself and not knowing what to do to next. When I had a furniture refinishing business and would get into a jam and not know how to fix a problem....I would ask Ben, the elderly cabinetmaker that passed away while I was working for him what to do next. He always seemed to be there. Guardian angels of sort...I believe so. Guardian angels, has to be a God and Heaven then, right? You betcha!! Praise God!
In Jesus name I pray that everyone realizes how God touches their lives and watches over them. He is there whether you believe or not. It is up to you to awaken and truly believe that Jesus died for us. That we are not our own, but servants of God.
